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Audacity Works
Audacity Works
Leaving the normie job: dealing with judgement from others
The haps:
The Audacity Project: Cycle 25 is enrolling this week! Click here for information, enrollment, or to schedule a call.
The episode:
For anyone who has contemplated pivoting away from a conventional career path and stepping into the realm of full time freelance weirdo, feeling judged AF can come with the territory. I want to dive in to this head on, on the request of a very Audacious alumni who is experiencing this now.
We'll unpack what's happening and offer some alternative ways of looking at the conundrum, as well as giving you some actionable advice for when you're navigating judgment from others.
May you love what you find.
Don't go back to sleep.
xoRachel
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Welcome to Audacity Works, a podcast inspired by and dedicated to the working artist, the creative, entrepreneur and generally doing the damn thing. This exists on the premise that the world belongs to those who have the audacity to believe that their lives have value. This is for you. Welcome to Audacity Works. I am your host, rachel Strickland, and this is episode number 45. The subject of today's podcast is quitting the normie job, but first I have, of course, an announcement Enrollment for the Audacity Project, cycle 25, is open to the public. Enrollment is going to be open until Friday at 11.59 Eastern Standard Time, so just before midnight on the East Coast. Now I'm recording this pretty early. I'm a week in advance because right now, at this moment, I am in Oregon, at Mount Hood, with my family. So hopefully there is room, and I'm not just saying this to later say sorry there was no more room, but I reckon that there is room for you. If you have been waiting and you want to get your shit together as a creative, as a working artist or an entrepreneur, then this is for you. I'll put a link in the show notes. You can schedule a 15 minute call with me at no obligation and I'd be very happy to tell you if this program isn't the right fit, because the last thing I want is someone in there who it's not a good fit for. That doesn't work for anybody. That's just I don't. That's not how I work. So if you're curious, would love to talk to you about it. Also, then we can like hang out for 15 minutes and chat Fun. So the link in the show notes will take you to all things information about the project, what you can expect, how long it is, when the class times are, etc.
Speaker 1:And now to go on to the main course of today's episode quitting the normie job. And this is going to be a pretty specific question. This was a request from my friend Brandi and Brandi. Let's give Brandi a round of applause because she's been very unhappy in the normie job for several years and she's organized her shit. She got her shit together and now her last day is rapidly approaching. So snaps Hooray for Brandi. I'm so fucking proud of you. But this is what Brandi is writing I have set a date to quit my normie job and I'm terrified. I'm not terrified about getting work after I know I got that. Can we just stop and just acknowledge what a badass sentence that is. I'm not worried about getting work after I know I got that Damn. Also fun fact Brandi is an Audacity Project alumni, so does my heart swell up Three sizes too big at hearing that? Yes, yes, it does.
Speaker 1:Now on to Brandi's actual question. So the thought of actually leaving the job that she's been unhappy in for years, but it's the thought of actually pulling the trigger and telling her customers that they have to find a new practitioner because she wants to go perform and be a working artist, and that that's making her incredibly nervous. She says as much as I hate to admit it, I do care a little about what people think of me. I'm a recovering people pleaser. I guess I'm looking for advice, or not looking for advice, as much as I'd love a pep talk about leaving something I've been doing for a very long time. Now, weeks away from being 34 and I'm excited to leave, but a little nervous about facing judgment from others. Just the sheer badassery of this question. Right?
Speaker 1:Brandi's not worried about getting work. She knows how to do that. She knows how to do the thing that she wants to do, but now she has to face the emotional impact of leaving something that she's been doing for a very long time working with people that she's been working with for a very long time as a practitioner I'm not going to say what kind of practitioner, because I wanted to have some degree of privacy here. So it's not the leaving of the job that she's asking for advice, and she's not even really asking for advice, but it's the emotional impact of the expectations of being judged by others. There's a lot to unpack there and she totally has a point. It's very understandable and very, very normal.
Speaker 1:So here's a fun little psychological secret that's not a secret at all. First of all, it's totally normal to care what people think about you. I know it's not fashionable, it's not like Instagram, worthy to be like. I care what people think of me. Of course you do. You're human. We are hardwired for connection to other humans and when people say I don't give a shit what anybody else thinks, I just see that as such a flag. It's like someone waving a flag and that flag says I've been hurt so badly that I've completely isolated myself. And there is a medium here Because on some level we're gonna care, because it's healthy to care, but that's not actually what I feel like.
Speaker 1:The issue is here because most of the time, when this comes up and it comes up all the time in the audacity projects we're afraid of judgment for doing things outside of the status quo, particularly around people wanting to become more expansive. They wanna perform more, they wanna be more of a part of their culture in an active way, and when you're used to being more of a wallflower, that's a big difference and you're like, oh, I'm gonna get seen for this, I'm gonna get more attention for this, and I'm afraid of the reactions from everyone else. I wanna point out here that this doesn't happen when you're playing it safe. When you're playing it safe and you're playing it small, you get a free pass, like you're probably not going to walk around feeling much anxiety about oh, what are they gonna say? Because you're doing your comfort thing. And when you do have a spike in fearing the reactions of others, I wanna invite you to acknowledge the fact that that could be seen as a positive thing, because it means that you are being more expansive, you are taking risks and it seems very likely that the risks you are taking are leading you towards something that you want more than what you had yesterday. So bravo, bravo to you and getting to my point in the most roundabout way.
Speaker 1:Usually when we're fearing judgment from others, it's actually really cleverly diffused judgment that we're having towards ourselves Almost every time. It's pretty much uncanny when we're fearing judgment from others, we're actually judging ourselves really harshly according to an old set of values or standards that we don't even really believe in, but it feels like we're afraid of what other people are gonna say, but really we're just judging the shit out of ourselves. And the reason that it's so cleverly hidden is that it's usually subversive, invisible scripts that have been with us for a long time and probably we're put there when we were very young, when we were children, maybe from our families. It comes up a lot for working artists, especially artists that do something unusual like circus arts or aerial art, because it's weird and maybe you had parents that really valued financial security Nothing wrong with that and maybe they had more conservative values and they instilled those values into you in kind of a sneaky, quiet, subliminal way, and so maybe that is why you feel really vulnerable to judgment when you're doing something to further you on that path. So just a possibility that what's happening here isn't necessarily really a judgment or a fear of judgment from others, but a judgment of ourselves. That's already happening and underway, and if we can investigate that and it's true then we get to investigate the value system behind that and look at it and say, like, is this in alignment with what I, as a grown ass person, actually value? And that may be enough to set you free from this anxiety. So, moving on, let's just say that you did get some judgment from other people, because haters gonna hate, and the more expansive you get, the more visible you are. And, yeah, sometimes that can come with criticism from others. So let's investigate that, shall we?
Speaker 1:So I am not of the camp that is going to believe or tell you that the best case or the best strategy for dealing with criticism from others is to just not care. I don't think that that's a helpful strategy, one you're human and you're wired for connection with others. So it goes against your basic building blocks to just not care, which means that you're going to still care. You're just gonna suppress it and like roll it into a little ball and stuff that ball into a box and shove that box into a cave. Anyway, that's not helpful. So, rather than just pretending that you don't care what other people think about you if you're getting criticism, rather than feeling defensive or just saying, no, well, I don't fucking care.
Speaker 1:What if we got curious about that criticism? And this is if the criticism is actually happening. Okay, I really want to make that clear, because the thing that we initially started talking about was being afraid of judgment from others which had not actually happened. So this is for if you do get judgment from others and they say something shitty to you or they post something passive, aggressive, I don't know, however it comes about and someone in your life is just criticizing you, judging you for something that you've done in the service of your greater good.
Speaker 1:So what would happen if we get criticism like that, if we became curious about the state of mind of the person and what are they going through and what in their lived experience brought them to this moment? Because in this really specific situation let's think about this there is a woman who has been unhappy for years, saw a better way, very bravely built her escape route to a life that is going to serve her better and light her up. Consider the fact that if someone judges her for that and has criticism for it, what does that mean? Like, is that a value system that we want to stand behind. I mean, I wouldn't in the words of my uncle Bradley. Well, that seems to be a personal problem, meaning, of course, that it really doesn't have anything to do with you. If Brandi got criticism like that from clientele, that's about them. I don't think that's about her at all. So if we can become curious when we do receive criticism, we may be able to actually look at the person judging us with a state of compassion and be, like, well, that sucks. I'm sorry that you're in that state of mind where you're having these strong negative emotions about something that has really nothing to do with you. Like, okay, so you need to get a new practitioner. Okay Now, my prediction that I gave to Brandi when she wrote in to me with this question was I actually think your clients are going to be really happy and excited for you when you tell them about this, and I hope that I was right.
Speaker 1:I'm going to follow up with her and see if I was, but I think that when we are in a state of being afraid of judgment from others, we Stand to be very pleasantly surprised by how supportive people can actually be, even if they're sad to see you go Okay, my air conditioning kicked on, so that's what that background noise is, and I can't. I cannot get up to turn it off, because it's 90 degrees outside and if I turn it off my husband's gonna melt. So, um, yeah, there's just gonna be some background noise. I apologize. So that's my take on this. For Brandy's specific question, investigate whether you're actually judging yourself, or if it really is judgment from others you fear, or if you're just fearing the thing that you're already doing, which is judging yourself, and that may or may not be true. And then, if you do get criticism from others, to become curious about that criticism and the state of mind that they were in and what their circumstances must be to feel entitled to Give that judgment. That shade throw that shade on you. And also that Secretly or not secretly at all, I really think people are gonna be really happy for her because they've known her for years and you know they love her, even if they're sad to see her leave her current position. So I want to tack some other things onto the end here, because this has been a really specific episode.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of people are curious about Best practices and steps. If you're kind of maybe sort of thinking about one day leaving your normie job or even just taking a sabbatical. You want to take some time and just make your your creative work your focus and have a go at it. And I definitely have advice for you if you are, you know, a little curious about Leaving and Beginning a new way of life, even if it's just for a short time.
Speaker 1:Number one really, what is the resistance here? It's money. It's money because we want to, we want to have financial security. I think that's a perfectly reasonable Priority to have, especially as an American, where there isn't, there isn't a social safety net. Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, like you want to survive.
Speaker 1:I think that's pretty understandable and you're worried about being able to generate similar income and a similar situation for yourself with your creative practice, and that's a very fair concern to have, because the arts Do not pay like a corporate nine to five job. There are some exceptions to this, but there are many, many exceptions to this. It's a very different way of life, particularly if you're going freelance. The odds of you starting out at six figures when you're used to making six figures are not very high. They're not impossible, but honestly, it's. It's not very likely and I I'm not trying to crush anyone's dreams here, but I am trying to paint a realistic picture of Having a full-time Corporate, funded nine to five job, compared to being a freelance working artist. Those are two very different ways of life and if you're expecting one to feel similarly to the other, then that's going to be kind of a rude awakening for you. But if you've made peace with that and you're happy about that you're like I want a different life, I want this change, then my first order of business for you is to have a nice, juicy, healthy account with money set aside for you to live. My advice for this 12 years ago was have three months of income of like living expenses saved up. Then it went to six months. Then COVID hit and now I'm I'm on the have a year of living expenses available to you At at least six months. But I think that you'll feel more comfortable If you, if you have a year but six months, can actually feel a lot more accessible and I think it would still be very, very helpful.
Speaker 1:Step number two and or resistance number two is usually health, health insurance. If you're used to getting health insurance from your job, which is also, especially to an American, a very fucking fair point. So I have never had health insurance through a job. I've been freelance my entire adult life. So at the moment and I do have health insurance I mean, I'm 41, come on, need to have some health insurance. Let's, let's just say that I have Obamacare. Thanks, obama, thank you Seriously, thank you.
Speaker 1:An open enrollment for Obamacare or it's basically Medicaid that happens in November. So that might be something to take into consideration. Open enrollment for Obamacare starts in November but coverage doesn't begin until the January Quickly approaching. So like two months after enrollment opens, coverage can begin. So you might want to work that into Into your plan, which brings me to point number three. Have a plan.
Speaker 1:If you have never worked freelance before and you're very curious about quitting a full-time job and being full-time freelance creative. If you have no idea how to do that, please get. Use the brains of people that do know how to do that. Get some coaching, get some mentorship. You can totally walk blindly into this world and you know what. It could still work. That's the, that's the beauty of it. It could still work. But I think that you can save yourself a year of figuring shit out the hard way by just getting some coaching and Get it from someone that you trust, someone who has a life that you're like. That looks like a good life. I like that, or they they have. There's evidence that they have succeeded in the ways that you wish to succeed. Pay them some money and get their advice. Save yourself a year of figuring shit out the hard way.
Speaker 1:I Feel like there's a whole nother podcast episode Wrapped up in this in this couple minutes that I just tacked on to the end there. So if you're curious to learn more and you have specific questions, I would love to hear them. You can write to me on Instagram at Rachel Strickland creative, or on patreon at Rachel Strickland creative, and I'm looking at the time. I know I need to wrap things up, so if you have follow-up questions, please don't hesitate to tell me about them. I love hearing from you and If you wanted to show Any kind of appreciation if this post was helpful to you, the best thing you could do for me would be to share it with someone that you think it could also help. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Happy Wednesday. A special shout out to my patrons for making all of this possible? You literally make me fly. Couldn't do it without you. Be brave and be bold, my friends, and follow those things that light you up. They're worth it. Don't go back to sleep, you.