.jpg)
Audacity Works
Audacity Works
Turning Scars (or Wounds) into Stories
You've been wounded, physically or emotionally, and suddenly you're unable to do the things you once could. Fascinatingly, our wounds and scars can be the source of beautiful and empowering art. I share a transformative encounter with a stranger that shifted my perspective on self-care, healing, and creativity. We also touch on the bold notion of creating from a wound versus a scar, drawing insights from raw, open wounds and the wisdom that comes with healing. This episode is not just about confronting our wounds, but also about harnessing them for our creative processes.
Don't go back to sleep.
xoRachel
Sign up here for monthly blasts and functional woo
Find me on Instagram
Support this podcast on Patreon
Welcome to Audacity Works, a podcast inspired by and dedicated to the working artist, the creative entrepreneur and generally doing the damn thing. This exists on the premise that the world belongs to those who have the audacity to believe that their lives have value. This is for you. Welcome to Audacity Works. I am your host, rachel Strickland, and this is episode number 39, which is about creating from scars versus wounds. This came up because my friend, chris, wrote to me and said I'd love for you to talk about wounds seen and unseen, the wounds we have to heal before we can get back up the things we need to do for ourselves. She added that she was asking me this because she had cut the top of her finger off with one of those mandolin potato pillars. Those things are treacherous. Y'all Be careful with those Three people that I love have cut off the tips of their fingers using those things. Cautionary tale complete, even though that's kind of a funny injury. It's not hilarious, chris. Not what I meant. Finger injury is one thing, but I'm going to use the word wound because I want it to apply to all kinds of injury, not just muscular, skeletal or skin injury, but also an internal injury. If you find yourself wounded.
Speaker 1:There is a line from a movie that was very formative for me once upon a time. That came into a very stark reality for me last year, because I was wounded last year and my capacity was greatly diminished. And this was indeed an internal wound, it was physical and an emotional wound. So while I was sitting there wounded and realizing my capacity was deeply diminished, i thought of Captain Jack Sparrow. And there's this line from Pirates of the Caribbean the first one, also the best one in my opinion Or he says it's really just it's what a man can do and what a man can't do. I wish I could do the voice, but I can't And I don't know why. That popped into my head while I was in my wounded state, but it was really refreshing for me because I was bemoaning my reduced capacity and I thought of Jack Sparrow There's what you can do and there's what you can't do and like okay, well, right now This is really about capacity And there are a lot of things right now that I can't do. So let me focus on what I can do and just make peace with that. So if that can bring you some peace in your perhaps wounded state, just think of Jack Sparrow, there's what you can do and what you can't do, and that's kind of the question that you need to be asking right now.
Speaker 1:And I think that being wounded is like being ill or having an illness And anyway, which is it? just makes the world so much smaller. It really Narrows your field of vision, because things that you could take for granted before Perhaps having an able body or a body particularly able to do this, this and this and now it's only able to do this one thing, Maybe that one thing is lying on the couch and watching reruns of House MD. And the reason that I think it's important to acknowledge that the world gets a lot smaller when we're wounded is because, at any time in which we're dealing with a wound, inevitably there seems to be this universal feeling of FOMO, of being left behind Because your capacity is reduced. But you assume everyone else still has their full capacity, they're operating at full speed, everything's wonderful, and it's only you, you're the only one, being left behind because your capacity is reduced. You can see it as I'm saying it. You know that it's not true. You know that, logically, it's impossible for everyone in the world to be operating at their full ability Except for you. And yet that is so often how we feel when we're wounded, when we're injured and, and depending on the kind of wound that you are healing, the scope of people that you come into contact with changes drastically. Maybe you're used to just living your life and Suddenly now the only people that you're seeing on a regular basis are doctors and members of your immediate family Or in your immediate household. It just the scope becomes so much smaller.
Speaker 1:And I want to point out another kind of conundrum that I know I rarely think of when I am wounded, but it's easy to look back and you know, hindsight 2020 and birds I view and all that but when I'm operating at my full capacity and I have all of my faculties and I'm able to be effective in the world, i will oftentimes be looking forward to a period of stillness where I don't have to be doing so many things, where I don't have to be at full capacity. But when I'm wounded and I actually do have a stillness, i long for full capacity And I think that that is an experience that a lot of people have shared with me, that they've had too. But it's really difficult when you're in it, when you are wounded, to look at the stillness in the world which has suddenly shrunk around you and be like you know what, this would be a great time to do some journaling, or you know what, now that I can't do all these other things, maybe I'll do this other thing that I never have time to do but sounds really good. And let's think about, like the purpose of the world getting so much smaller when you're wounded and feeling so much smaller. And the reason for that is because it's supposed to be smaller, because your attention cannot be on all of the things that is usually on. It needs to be on the wound, on healing, what needs to happen next. And regardless of what kind of wound you have, i think we can all agree that the worst thing you can do for an injury of any kind is to ignore it. So that narrowing focus like there's a purpose for that, it's useful and hopefully it can be effective Your focus narrows because you need to be focused on fewer things, most notably the big gaping wound in your side or psyche. So all of this is just to say that hopefully at some point we make peace with the fact, because I think there's a lot of denial in the beginning like I'm not really wounded, i could still do this, or like this isn't so bad, i can still do this. And you start to realize, as your legs are dragging behind you, like okay, maybe I'm not okay and maybe this wound does need to be taken seriously. So when we make peace with that, then we are free to ask ourselves the question what do I need? Because if you're ignoring the wound, you're not going to ask yourself that. I want to tell you this. It's kind of a cute, hilarious, embarrassing story from my life.
Speaker 1:I was in Florence, italy, and I had been living there for several months with my BFF, marianne, and we were sharing this little apartment and I was cooking dinner. I was frying something in olive oil and I was doing so in a bra and pants. I don't know why. With frying oil, anyway, i was young. So I flipped whatever was in the pan over and a bunch of really hot oil landed on my belly and I did the whole thing and I grabbed a dish rag and I wiped the oil off whole top layer. My skin came off with it. It was nasty. I was like, oh, that's probably going to hurt later and I continued cooking dinner. I wouldn't put a shirt on and I served dinner. We sat down, we ate together. I put the dishes in the sink and then I sat down on the floor in front of Marianne, put my head in her lap and sobbed.
Speaker 1:It was like as soon as that wound happened, i just completely ignored him like, nope, didn't happen, i'm just going to wipe it up, carry on with my life. And by the end of dinner it hurt And I was like, okay, i can't ignore this anymore. This is actually kind of a bad injury. And then I just sobbed and sobbed and let her pat my head and tell me it was going to be okay, which she's she's really good at. And then, even though I knew that I had this wound and I don't want to like exaggerate, but it was pretty big, it was about the size of a, a silver dollar piece, maybe a little bigger. That amount of skin that was gone just to the side of my navel. And, fun fact, i was working as a model for an alive art school in Florence at the time.
Speaker 1:So I put on my first aid. Whatever. I'm like neo-sporin will be fine, that'll do it. And I just mostly had some athletic tape and neo-sporin and like tissue paper. I know I can hear it, i can hear it while I'm saying it, but that's what I had.
Speaker 1:So I put that on my stomach and the next day I went into work and when you're posing as a nude model for an art class, it's not like you can hide the fact that now there's this huge bandage on your abdomen or a makeshift bandage anyway and one of the students after that day came up to me like Rachel, you need to go here. And he gave me an address. He's like you need to have that looked at. Do no, no. And I was just about to be like you know, thank you, okay, bye. And he's like no, you're not gonna do it, you're ignoring me. Look at me, this is non-negotiable, you must go get that looked at. And like I didn't even know this guy, but he was making it so intent of a directive and it was kind of like a dad voice which I hadn't heard a dad voice in quite some time, so it caught my attention like oh Jesus, okay, i guess I will do that. He's like now, today, like okay, and I went and I'm very grateful to that.
Speaker 1:That dude and his unsolicited advice that's maybe the first time I've ever said that sentence, but I would have gotten a really bad infection if I hadn't done that, because I was still ignoring it, like, oh, it'll be fine, i'll be fine. I wasn't taking the wound seriously and it took someone who was concerned, looking looking in from the outside. You're like, okay, I can tell you're. You have a wound and you're ignoring it, and it never feels good to be confronted with something like that. It never feels amazing for someone that you know, or even that you don't know, to be like hi, i have a concern. Your, your behavior or your lack thereof, is concerning to me. That doesn't feel good. Sometimes it's very unwelcome.
Speaker 1:However, if it does happen to you, at least do yourself the favor of stopping for a moment to consider whether or not they could be right and when I did this, i realized he he was right. Like I needed to go to the doctor, still have a scar there. It's not very big anymore, but, moral of the story, don't ignore your wounds and if you think you're attending to them, ask yourself that question very brutally like are you really? are you really attending to the needs your body and your psyche and your wellness, or have you done the bare minimum, because it is a really powerful thing to commit oneself to tending to a wound Like. I am not going to ignore this anymore, i'm going to focus on it. What do I need? Which brings me to my next point.
Speaker 1:So wounds, both physical and non-physical, are a popular subject matter for the creation of art. And if this applies to you, you may have heard that axiom create from scars, not wounds, and that you, i think that axiom is actually you can't create from a wound, you have to create from a scar, which is not true. You can absolutely create from an open wound. But is it a good idea? Like? the advice here is well-meaning. Creating from a scar versus a wound means that it's healed enough to be able to sustain some poking and prodding without worsening the injury. So that is well-meaning advice. But I don't like it when blanket statements are inaccurate. Like, you can create from a wound, and perhaps creating from the wound is part of your healing process. Don't assume that that's true. That will come when you ask yourself the question What is it that I really need to be attentive to healing this wound? If that answer is, i need to make a piece of art about it. Cool, go forth and do it And if it's not, the don't.
Speaker 1:Another reason that I think a lot of people prefer to create from scars One you're not making the wound worse because it's had some time to heal over. Also, you'll have more insight. You'll have more insight and more understanding of your own experience after some time has passed and after some healing has been done. Also, i have to say there is something to be said from that raw space. When you are actively wounded and you have a fresh, open wound, of whatever kind, that experience doesn't last a very long time and we tend to just want to live through it as quickly as possible without acknowledging and fully viewing the experience and paying attention to it. So to create from that space one, it would take a great deal of fortitude to be in that space and remain well while trying to create.
Speaker 1:But I do want to add just some words of support, maybe some advice. If you do decide to create from a wound that has, that has not healed yet or even partially healed, of course you can do that. It is your prerogative. I would advise you to make sure that you have adequate support If you're intentionally, and perhaps as a as a mode of healing, choosing to create from a place of being wounded. Don't go about this using all of your normal tricks, because this is an abnormal situation. You're going to want to put support there for you. I can tell people what you're doing. Tell your nearest and dearest I'm going to do this. I might need to call on you for support for this or for that and ask you know, is that okay, like can you be on call, so to speak? And this is not strange and this is not unusual.
Speaker 1:By the time you hear this episode, i'm recording this in early July because I know I'm going to be in Ireland for most of July for the Irish Aerial Dance Festival And by the time this episode airs I'll be like two days away from performing Teeth, which is a piece of mine about early loss, in front of a live audience for the first time. And my good friend Kat Doherty she knows she's, she'll be there, she's Irish and she knows that that's the piece I'm presenting and she knows that's when it's being presented and she knows the subject matter. And she messaged me out of the blue today, you know, weeks in advance. She said, just so you know the during your performance or before or after. If you need me, i am present and available, and This is a very welcome thing to hear, for me at least as a performing artist, particularly if you are addressing topics that hurt. So if you are going to be creating from a wound, make sure that you have adequate support Otherwise known as if you don't have a cat, get one.
Speaker 1:And just because I think it's worth noting, it's easy for us to overestimate our capacity, even if we're not trying to ignore a wound that we have. For example, i lost someone who was in my daily life several years ago, in 2017, and I had not experienced a lot of grief or death in my life yet. But after he died very suddenly and this was my uncle's partner we were all devastated and I had a gig coming up. Like five days after, we heard this wretched news and my professional brain was just like on autopilot, like obviously I'm going to do the gig. So I went and I did the gig in a state of acute grief. My friends, this was not a wise choice. Now, i didn't have the lived experience to know any better. I thought that my professionalism would be enough to see me through and that I could deliver at the same caliber that I always delivered.
Speaker 1:During this gig, you guys, it was the only time I have ever gotten tangled in the fabric in front of a live audience. My employer, or the woman who hired me, was furious, understandably, because I was generally thought to be kind of a sure thing, like you know. Yeah, get her, she'll deliver, she's consistent. What I should have done was hold her what was going on in my life, and she probably would have suggested that I don't do the gig and she could find anyone else. But I never told her. I just apologized for getting tangled and then I went to awake immediately afterwards.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you this story not to bum you out, but just to share a story about a time when I was, i did not have the lived experience to know that I had no business performing and going to work like normal When I had a wound that was not only fresh and open, it had not even finished opening yet. I didn't even know how deep it was yet And I didn't give myself the kindness of taking the time to look and find out. So, in summary, if you, in the subject of creating from a scar versus a wound, if you do decide to create from a wound, have support there for you and also at least wait until the wound has finished opening, like. You need to at least know the scope of what you're dealing with, but in no way do I think that this is a bad thing to do. I'm not saying that it's wrong in any way. I've done it. I'll do it again, looking at the time I'm going to wrap this up.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for sitting with me and letting me talk into your ear for 20 minutes, and if you have requests, i would love, love, love to hear them. You can find me on Instagram, at Rachel Strickland Creative, or on Patreon at Rachel Strickland Creative. and an extra warm velvety. Thank you to my wonderful patrons for making all of this possible. I could not do it without you. Don't go back to sleep.